Day 30

Hello friends! I know it’s been a little while since I’ve done any public blog entries. I actually only made it down to the library on Monday last week, when Rachel & I met those Star Wars characters. Lol. I actually did do quite a bit of writing last week, but nearly all of it was personal. Writing is a therapeutic way for me to express my feelings. Some people like to draw, take pictures, play video games, engage in sports or working out; writing is it for me. I did used to enjoy working out when I was able; I hope to get back into that after I have been cleared after surgery.

So, two big things mark today; One: today marks my 30th day here, so as of today, I have been admitted for one full month. And two: it’s baby week! We have officially reached the week where we will get to meet our last little bundle of joy. I get asked everyday how I’m doing and how I’m feeling. I think under normal circumstances, I would be more excited. But if I’m being honest with you guys, I’m freaking terrified. Allow me to elaborate a little bit. So last Thurs I had my growth ultrasound to make sure baby was gaining an adequate amount of weight and didn’t have to be delivered even earlier than May 16. Good news is, they are great. Doc is happy with weight gain so we are all set until the scheduled delivery date, unless an emergency arises, which we obviously hope does not happen. However, after reading the notes from the ultrasound tech, I noticed it said, “concern for percreta”. I don’t believe I explained this well before, but accreta is a spectrum, also known as PAS, kind of like autism. It can range from very mild to very severe. Bad news is, percreta is one of the most severe cases. This means that not only do I have complete placenta previa, (CPP), and the placenta has embedded itself into my uterine muscles, there is now also concern that it has invaded my bladder or bowels, which is one thing I was very concerned about. This puts me at higher risk for hemorrhaging, and it will likely mean a longer surgery time, because they’ll have to very delicately separate the placenta from my bladder and/or bowels, if it did invade either one of those at all. This could also mean having to go home with a catheter for a few weeks, which would really suck. So I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I’ve spent a lot of time freaking out over the past few days. I can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong. Of course that is not what any of us want, but the worst possible casinario for me would be that I don’t make it and get called home. I’m not trying to freak you guys out, but I’m just being honest about where my headspace has been. I made a very long list of questions to ask the MFM doctors over the weekend, and luckily Chris was able to be here when they stopped by so he could hear everything as well. I asked them about their success and mortality rates, because even though it’s hard to think about those things, I need to know the facts and be realistic. The good news for me is that I am at a center of excellence, so their success rates are much higher than the national average, and they said they typically do at least one PAS case/week, so it’s something they’re well equipped for and familiar with. While that should make me feel better, I am still of course very nervous. The MFM docs did confirm that I will indeed have to be put under general anesthesia for the entire procedure, since I am at higher risk, so I unfortunately have to be put under for the entire procedure, including when baby is born. I am pretty sad about this, as I don’t even know that I’ll get to meet them the same day. I did confirm that I am unable to be wheeled up to the NICU in my hospital bed, and I do have to be stable enough where they feel comfortable putting me in a wheelchair and wheeling me up. I am expecting to be in a pretty decent amount of pain, so I am hoping to be able to manage that well enough so I can go visit baby the day of their birth. Although it is also possible that I may be placed in the ICU fro 12-24 hours, which would mean I couldn’t go see baby until I am able to leave there. They do have cameras in the NICU at all times, so I can “see” baby whenever I want, but of course that’s not the same as being able to hold them and see them in person. Chris, however, will get to immediately go up to the NICU with baby and spend time with them while I am still in surgery. I also have a hernia that I am hoping they are able to repair, so I don’t have to go back for that at a later date. The estimated surgery time is about 3-6 hours, depending on the severity of my case, which they unfortunately won’t know until they have me open on the table. The docs said it will likely still be a couple more hours after I am out of surgery until I can potentially go see baby. The surgery is scheduled for 8:10 in the morning, this coming Friday, but it seems pretty unlikely I will get to meet baby before evening, if at all that day. Chris and I would really appreciate prayers for of course a safe and healthy delivery for our baby, but also that my PAS is not as severe as they are anticipating, and that I will not be too much of a nervous wreck leading up to it, as well as that everything goes well, and I have a smooth recovery afterwards. We would also really appreciate prayers for a shorter NICU stay. They told us to plan for 2-4 weeks, but we are hoping with me being closer to the 35 week mark, baby will be more developed and won’t need too much time in there. They also did give me two more steroid injections within the past few days, which is supposed to help with lung development. 

So yesterday was Mother’s Day. Chris and the kids weren’t able to come yesterday due to us doing exchanges with Emmett & Grace on Sundays, so it’s always too pressed for time, so they typically visit on Saturdays instead. Emmett recently learned how to sew, and he sewed me this adorable little envelope out of felt and then put a handwritten note inside! It was the absolute sweetest thing! Grace colored/drew me 8 pictures, and even made me a crown. I have hung up all their artwork around my room and have gotten many compliments on it. I also have Ezra’s daycare photos hanging up, as well as the picture from Emmett & Grace’s school dance. One of the techs told me that she saw Grace walking in the hall on Saturday and thought she looked just like me! That’s honestly a first for me. Lol. Both Emmett & Ezra look exactly like their dads, and I’ve always thought Grace was a pretty good mix of me and Eric, but I never thought she strongly resembled me. I am hoping this last baby looks like their momma since this is my last chance for a mini me! But, we will be finding out later this week! I am somewhat excited for this portion of our journey to be over, I am also nervous because that means a new one will be starting. We will now be parents to a brand new preemie baby, and we won’t be able to have baby in the same room with us overnight like we did with Ezra. We are also over an hour away from home, and unfortunately Chris is extremely low on PTO days so he’ll have to go back to work just a few days after baby is born. (We’re trying to save his four weeks of parental leave for when me and baby are both home, so he can help us out.) I will have to start breast pumping for this baby, so they can have some of my milk until they’re ready to latch. While I’ve breastfed all 3 of my other earthside babies, I have never had a preemie before, so I am unsure how that journey will look for us. I do intend to speak with a lactation consultant so they can help guide me. (That reminds me that I need to ask my nurse about that today.)

Speaking of nurses, let me tell you about my fav nurse here. Her name is Kaite. I think I’ve only had her a handful of times, but she has absolutely been my fav. We just kind of “clicked” and were able to relate on a lot of things, and she’s so incredibly sweet. She actually went on vacation for 2 ½ weeks and I was counting down the days until she came back. Lol. She finally came back the other day and I was so excited to see her! She has kids that are Emmett & Grace’s age, so we can relate on that. I actually had her on Saturday when my family came to visit, and since I had my laundry list of questions for the MFM docs, I didn’t want to scare Emmett & Grace with some of the hard questions I was going to ask them, Katie offered to take them for a little bit and keep them occupied so Chris and I could talk with them. She took them into the nurse’s break room and gave them ice cream sandwiches, which I thought was very sweet. I am hoping I’ll get her at least one more time before I deliver, but I thought she would be back yesterday, but I didn’t see her. Don’t get me wrong, all of the staff here as been wonderful and extremely accommodating, but there’s just something about Katie that made her stand out. I will definitely be submitting a nomination for a Daisy award for her. She deserves all the recognition for going above and beyond!

It is a really nice day here in GR. I think it’s about 82 right now and looks mostly sunny, which is awesome. Rachel and I decided to venture over the bridge today to go get lunch. The plan was Zoup, but it sadly looks like they closed permanently, so we got Qdoba instead. It looks like there’s also a Chinese place over there that I would’ve loved to try, but they were closed so we were unable to. After lunch, we decided to go sit outside in the sun for a bit, which was super nice! Y’all know how much I love summer, so this was such a nice break, plus just getting outside in a different environment was helpful. Later, we plan to take the last of my maternity pics. Unfortunately, the rest of the week is supposed to be pretty rainy and yucky, so today is kind of our last chance! At least for doing them outdoors. We are also planning to get ice cream after we are done here in the library. They had an absolutely divine chocolate Oreo truffle flavor last week that I LOVED, but it’s not here right now. :( However, I did notice they have mint chip today, so I think that’s what I will opt for.

I know today was a bit of a longer entry, but it had also been some time since I had last updated y’all, so I wanted to make sure I got you guys caught up to speed! I hope to write at least 1-2 more times before delivery day, but it kind of just depends on how I’m feeling and what I’m up to. On the day of the delivery, I know everyone will be anxious for updates, but I please ask that you would be patient and not blow up Chris’s phone, as this will also be scary for him. And of course he will be bonding with our baby while he’s waiting for me to get out of surgery and recovery. We promise to update everyone as soon as we’re able, but it may take some time, so please don’t freak out if you don’t hear anything until much later in the day on Friday, or possibly even later on during the weekend. Thank you again for all your love and support thus far! We truly appreciate each and every one of you. Until next time, and remember, Jesus loves you!